So I had been seeing this girl recently and I thought things had been going well. Of course, they weren't. I have a problem when it comes to women. I have in the past been very "eager" to be with them and to start something. This instance was no exception and yet this time I was holding back alot. I cannot explain why I do this other than I make and follow gut decisions about women and so I usually know soon after the first date if I want to see them steadily.

I met this girl through a friend and we went out on the 4th of July. I had talked to her once or twice before hand and found her to be very smart which immediately grabbed my attention. I had only seen her quickly on my friend's webcam as she was my friends roommate but I already knew that she was very pretty and even has the body that I love in women. Anyway, our first date went well until, as we were laying by the Trinity river I made a move to kiss her. She let me, and even a few times after, but I had already scared her. Despite this she still agreed to go out with me the next day to a movie and dinner. That day was excellent because she was not busy at all and I asked her over to watch movies before we went out. She agreed and come over to watch Holy Grail and Serenity before we had to get on the road. Dinner was at an Indian restaurant (which she had never tried before) and I ordered something easy for her (Chicken Tikka Masalla). After the movie began, she reached over and grabbed my hand from the armrest intertwined her fingers with mine and set my hand in her lap. I immediately thought that she liked me and everything would go swimmingly. We finished the movie and held hands the whole way to my place where we continued to hang out for a few hours just talking and getting to know one another.

I am an archaeologist and so I had to leave town a few days after but since I get the weekends off I would drive home. We had made plans for that weekend to go on a private tour of a vineyard but she got busy and i didn't see her until the following weekend. However, before I left town to drive back for work I left her a cd I had made for her at her house which turned out to be a gift she really enjoyed. One more point for me, right? The week drug on and we had begun to talk more often. I will tell you now without any reservation that there was not one thing that I learned about this girl that did not impress me and make her seem to be my perfect woman. She was a little young at heart and shy but I figured that there was a woman inside her and that she would let me see eventually. That following weekend I met her at work on Saturday and I saw first hand what she does. I snuck up on her and wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her on the neck. It scared her as she though I was a stranger but I digress. She is a sales rep intern for a tool company and when she started to tell me about her tools I almost came in my pants. There is something so sexy about a woman who knows about tools. We left there and she came with me to my parents place so I could show her around our ranch. No one was home except for my little sis so we went for a ride on the tractor and then played some Nintendo 64. After a while we just sat there and started to talk. I couldn't help myself and I moved in to kiss her neck. She didn't stop me and instead closed her eyes, grabbed my head and ran her fingers through my hair. I was instantly on fire, I wanted this girl so bad that even her touching my head was enough to drive me wild. The fact that she smells absolutely fabulous was also beyond what my senses could handle. It may not seem like much but that one moment almost made me fall over the edge for this girl. She is very shy and is so far inside her own shell that she has room for a table in front of her face so being let in even this far, I felt, was a good sign. We had planned to have dinner on sunday but she got busy with school and so I drove to work.

We got rained out for monday-tuesday and on tuesday she happened to have been in the area and decided to come to my hotel to spend some time with me. I was overjoyed and could not wait to see her. She showed up and we just watched tv and played around on the internet for a while until, again, I was possessed. I kissed her on the cheek as I had become accustomed to doing and rubbed her back a bit. I have curious hands and so I was constantly pushing my limits (I know....I'm stupid...but I thought at this point that she was ok with it). I actually didn't get into trouble at all and she even began to respond positively; spooning with me and laughing at me as I touched her inner thigh, butt, played with her bra, stomach and neck including when I kissed her in all but two of those places. I love her stomach. In honesty, I was being very forward but not overpowering I felt. I was possessed, her beauty and her smell drives me wild. She just laughed and said "Your bad." and continued to alloy me to make her feel wanted. It was all very harmless but still teetering on the borders of all out sensual massage.

She looked so beautiful that I had to capture the moment so I got my camera out and began to ask her to pose for me. She complied even though she hates pictures of herself and I got a nice little photo shoot in. A few hours later when it was time for her to go I rolled over to try to sneak a kiss in on her lips and she said "I really should kiss you shouldn't I?" I smiled broadly and said "Yes, I think you should!" with a sly grinn on my face. She continued "I know, but Im scared." I asked "Why?" but got no coherent response. I should have sent her out the door I guess but even though I offered to let her go without kissing me she still said "No, I want to!" Finally, I leaned over and she gave me our first open mouth kiss and it was as if I was in heaven kissing an angel. I feel deep into her lips and smelt her sweet smell wafting over me. It got more intense and she once again ran her fingers through my hair. I could have died absolutely contented at that moment. I pulled back a few times but could not stay away and each time she accepted my gift with the only true feeling I had seen from her to that point and I felt the utter awe and wonder of looking into a vault that no one had been able to see for 100,000 years. She got up and left in a hurry to make it home to finish a quiz and I went to bed, heart thumping, head buried in the pillow she had been laying on, soaking every bit of her smell into my consciousness.

The next day, yesterday actually after I got dinner she and i stated talking and I found out that she had gone to see her ex boyfriend. I had been told before we went out that she was recently dumped by him so he could go off gallivanting with one of her friend's mom and so the wounds were still fresh. This girl and I had actually already had a conversation about how she talked to him every day and saw him once a week and I voiced my uneasiness with this and that it was no wonder she was having problems letting him go. On top of this he has long been stringing her along with "No one compares to you..." and such and yet he tells her that he doesn't love her anymore and doesn't know if her ever will. So, in my mind, he is a boy in the truest sense of the word and a bastard no matter how "good" he was to her. Anyway, she went to see him and those wounds just got freshly ripped open. I told her that I was not going to be second and that she would have to be waiting for him forever and she said I was going to be second if she was with me and that all she wanted to do was to wait for him. She even told me that if we started seeing each other and if he asked that she would probably take him back. FUCK THAT! I am not going to have ANY of that SHIT! So, I'm sad! And yet I'm also ranting because that is some CRAZY WOMAN...sorry...LITTLE GIRL BULLSHIT! Life is too short for me to just wait around on some little girls' ass to make up her mind between someone who doesn't love her and someone who would give her the moon if he could (namely, me). I have a hell of alot to offer but only to someone who is not scared of taking a chance and moving on.

SO FUCK YOU KARMA! How the hell can you send me a girl who is my ideal: beautiful, intelligent, loving and then make her a person who is unable to make an adult decision between an asshole boy and a man. Why in the hell do you hate me Karma? What did I do in another life? Why am I being punished? Did I wrong a lover in my last life? GOD DAMNIT! It's not mother fucking fair! Why are women so fucked up? Why cant I just like someone and let them know it and be happy? Why do I have to be a fucking emotional transformer to be with a woman? Why does the world tell me I have to be a dick to get anywhere in a relationship? I just want to be fucking happy with someone who wants to be with me! JESUS MOTHER FUCKING CHRIST!!!

Im out........